


Goin' on a Lion Hunt (Can't go under it, can't go around it, gotta go through it)

by Meatball42



Series: Rare Pairs [52]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, M/M, Marijuana, Multi, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Painplay, Polyamory, Sub Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 08:09:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11893590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meatball42/pseuds/Meatball42
Summary: After the events of Civil War, Steve and Bucky leave Wakanda, somewhat healed. They end up living on a farm with Steve's former lover, Maria Hill. What should be a horribly awkward situation turns out to be the best thing they could have hoped for.





	1. Main story

**Author's Note:**

  * For [geckoholic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/geckoholic/gifts).



> I started writing this story for Holly Poly, inspired by geckoholic's lovely, angsty, thoughtful OT3 prompts. However, the fic idea itself would have ballooned into a massive thing, the kind I have twenty of in my folders and never complete. So I took a page out of [thegoldenavenger](http://thegoldenavenger.tumblr.com/tagged/kamaeteWRITES)'s book (check out the link for her awesome shortfic), and decided to write the story in a narrative, summary style. It sort of feels like a cop-out, but I love reading thegoldenavenger's style, so hopefully it won't be too disappointing.
> 
> Chapter 1: After Civil War, Maria, Steve, and Bucky live in a farmhouse and help each other with their issues- main story plot
> 
> Chapter 2: Smut snippet: Maria and Steve have kinky sex
> 
> Chapter 3: The one actually fully written scene: Steve smokes weed and Clint gives him some advice on Bucky's trauma
> 
> (There may be another smut snippet if I get the motivation to write it)

After Zemo is captured in Siberia, Steve and Bucky spend several months in Wakanda, working hard to ensure that Bucky's mind is his own. Natasha finds her way to them to contribute her knowledge on the subject, and between that and Wakanda’s advanced technology, Bucky’s verbal trigger words are neutralized. He’s still vulnerable to flashbacks and situational triggers- he dissociates sometimes, or starts speaking Russian without noticing it, is prone to mood swings- but as far as special needs goes, there’s nothing more Wakanda can provide. Considering the political atmosphere, this means they are politely invited to vacate, with T’Challa’s best wishes.

Natasha sends the pair to a safehouse, a farm in the Albanian countryside where no one would ever look for them. When they get there, they find Maria Hill, laying low herself in order to run what’s left of SHIELD’s international network. She wasn’t expecting them, but she is also unflappable and not particularly surprised. Bucky is suspicious of the obvious intelligence agent, but Steve vouches for both of them to each other, and they agree to stay out of each others’ way. Steve assists Maria with strategic planning sometimes, but mostly he and Bucky just do therapy exercises and go on runs in the countryside and read books (Natasha Romanov does not stock a safehouse without some good books). 

Before the fall of SHIELD, Steve and Maria were friends who had engaged in a non-romantic, D/s relationship of the sadomasochistic variety. Steve very much gets off on having a strong woman push him around, and likes receiving pain and being forced into a submissive position. Maria is a power top who has no problem compartmentalizing between Captain America, colleague, meta-human, and Steve Rogers, human scratching post, sex toy, and sub to take care of. But after SHIELD fell, their paths diverged. Now, Bucky’s back, Steve feels very responsible for his mental state, and the pair of them have tentatively reignited their romantic relationship. Steve and Maria mutually agree to let the past go.

Except Bucky’s not stupid. Steve and Maria still are madly attracted to each other, and they both still want what the other offers them- trust, catharsis, a release and a satisfaction they can’t get anywhere else. After insisting that Steve explain their past relationship- which takes roughly an hour for the basics and Steve is as red as a tomato the whole time- Bucky says he thinks they should start up again. He can see that Steve trusts Maria the same way he trusts Bucky: that they’re on the same side and share a code of ethics, that they’ll protect each other and do what’s best for each other. After everything he’s gone through with Hydra, Bucky knows he’ll never want anything like the kind of relationship Steve and Maria had, from either side, but he sees how important it is to the both of them and he wants Steve to be stable and happy.

Steve is torn between wanting to be faithful and desperately missing what he had with Maria. Bucky has to explain to him why he doesn’t feel rejected or betrayed just because Steve has needs Bucky can’t fill. He says it’s much more important to him that Steve is happy than that their relationship fits some model of normalcy that no other part of their lives fit. He also admits that knowing Steve is getting what he needs sexually from Maria would be a relief, because even though Steve doesn’t expect anything from him, Bucky feels bad that he’s not able to have that kind of relationship with him. And finally, Bucky has started to like Maria- or at least admire her as a capable ally and operative- and he has to respect someone who’s got Steve so hung up like this.

When Steve brings up the subject with Maria, she’s not sure it’s a good idea. Steve and Bucky are a whole mess of trauma and history and at this point it looks like anything could topple them from their barely-regained sense of stability. But Steve works on convincing her, and after she has a long talk with Bucky (and, admittedly, lets herself be tempted because she really has missed fucking Captain America), she and Steve start up their scenes again, usually when Bucky goes on his new daily fishing trips.

Tension on the farm decreases and everyone seems content. Bucky even starts putting in his two cents on some of the SHIELD missions, and he and Maria become less wary of each other and more friendly. Bucky’s personality has started coming out more, he’s been sleeping better since settling in at the farm, and he feels more comfortable taking initiative, enjoying things.

At the same time, Steve actually seems to get worse, emotionally. Since he’s no longer focused on keeping everything together so that he can support Bucky, and with Maria’s solid presence at his side, and having a Domme he can trust to take care of him, everything catches up with him- the fallout of the Accords, the split of the Avengers, and what it all means for the life he’s built in this century and his ethics going forward.

Luckily, Bucky and Maria are well up to the task of being there for him. Maria understands the political landscape and all the major players better than anyone, and Bucky has always had a direct line into Steve’s brain. Maria takes charge, forcing Steve to confront the feelings he’s been avoiding and encouraging him to explore his options. Bucky admires the way she isn’t at all intimidated by Steve as a stubborn asshole  _ or _ as Captain America. Maria is creative and take-no-shit, and Bucky starts to like her as a person even more than as a positive influence for Steve. Maria likes to play things close to the vest, but she admits one night that part of the reason she’s out in the middle of nowhere is that she didn’t feel comfortable letting anyone else watch her back after SHIELD turned out to be infected by Hydra, but that she doesn’t feel as alone anymore.

It’s strange, but it works. Maria works as SHIELD’s intelligence-keeper, helping run the world from afar, and Steve and Bucky have a chance to heal and reestablish their identities in the changing world. They all come to trust and support each other, and the world becomes a bit less scary of a place, just from knowing they have people who will pick them up when things fall apart.

But they all know that time won’t stand still forever. Natasha contacts Steve. There’s a new threat, one that requires his skillset to combat. Steve talks it over with Maria and Bucky. He promises he won’t go it they don’t want him to, because they’re a team unto themselves, now, and he won’t leave them behind. Maria says that she has a job to do right where she is; going off on some mission would only get in the way. Bucky isn’t certain he even wants to fight anymore. He never chose to get involved in the superhero business, and he’s been enjoying his freedom. Steve says he won’t go then, but Bucky and Maria tell him that’s not the right decision.

They discuss it, and eventually decide that Steve will go by himself, and when the immediate fight is over, he’ll come back to the farm, or at the very least communicate before making any moves. Maria takes him to the side and reminds him of the time that Ultron said he couldn’t live without a war. She tells him that she’s the same way, and there’s nothing wrong with it. They’re both protectors. She wouldn’t ask Steve to give up his war any more than she would give up hers. Bucky’s not like them in that way, and there’s nothing wrong with that either. He could live a quiet life, and if she and Steve get any say in it, he will. So Steve should go fight, and then come home, and they’ll be right there waiting for him.

So he does. And they do. 


	2. Smutty snippet

Three days after they all ended up at the farmhouse, Bucky hit the sack before sundown with three extra-strength Valium, hoping to sleep through the night. Steve and Maria managed to wash and dry the dinner dishes in tense silence before she grabbed him by the arm and spun him around and sealed their lips together.

Steve reacted by picking her up bodily, walking them to the den and collapsing on the couch, nearly landing on her ankles where she’d twined them around his hips. He squeezed his arms around her, hands grasping for any part of her he could touch, until she broke the kiss and dug her thumb into the joint of his jaw. Steve’s head was forced back, his mouth open and gasping, and she whispered in his ear for him to keep his hands on the back of the couch.

Maria produced a small but sharp dagger and cut three neat slices in his shirt before ripping it off his body in one motion. The tatters hung around him as she removed his pants and underwear and all of her clothing more conventionally. By the time she rolled a condom down his aching cock and mounted him, Steve was shaking for her.

The day’s last sunbeams glazed gold over her lithe, pale body. He gazed at the soft planes of her hipbones, the enticing wobble of her breasts and thighs, the lines of her muscles, she took him into her again and again and her glory called to Steve. He wished so much that she would let him draw her like this, but she wouldn’t even let him touch.

She touched him, though, possessive hands smoothing over every inch of skin, every ridge of muscle and over all his sensitive spots. She whispered things that made him moan and blush with humiliation, then kiss her neck in gratitude. She bit him hard enough to bruise, pulled his hair until his eyes teared. After he came inside her, she rubbed and squeezed and even pinched his cock and his balls, kept going when he whimpered, didn’t stop until he whined and sobbed and begged. And then she kissed him, her cruel, sweet hands holding him by the hair on both sides so she could kiss him as long and as deeply as they both wanted her to.

She sat astride him for a while, holding his head to her chest. Steve’s mind was dark and blank, his eyes closed and his body quiet. Her skin against his was comfort and redemption, love and safety.

After that, Maria put her clothes back on. She asked if he wanted to come to bed, and Steve had to apologize. To say he was with Bucky now, and he was sorry, but they couldn’t do this again.

Maria said she was happy for him. Her eyes were so blue, and Steve couldn’t tell what she was really feeling, if that was the truth of it or if she were hiding something. All he did know was that she was stronger than he was, as she managed to wait until she left to show emotion. He, on the other hand, felt tears start slipping down his cheeks before she said good night.   



	3. Steve tokes up and Clint advises

_ “There’s a few way to train snipers,” _ Clint explained one night, casual about serious topics the way he often was. The night was hot and clear, and Steve was sitting in the open window of the attic, half of his body wedged out onto the pigeon porch to breathe the clean air. His face was tilted back, bathed in moonlight, as he used a blunt to practice smoke rings.

Marijuana was one of the few substances that still could bring Steve’s body chemistry even slightly out of whack. The other was a lethal poison, which Doctor Banner had formulated into a super-soldier sedative. Steve preferred the cannabis, which soothed away aches and worries and made food taste even better and sex feel incredible.

And also distracted him from anything beyond his five senses. “Sorry, could you say that again?”

Clint chortled into his hand, it sounded like.  _ “You’re pathetic, Steve.” _

“I can drink your whole family under the table.” Steve’s head fell back against the window frame with a thunk.

_ “Listen, kid. You asked me a big question, I’m trying to answer it.” _

Racking his brain, Steve recalled the earlier conversation. “Okay.”

_ “There are a few ways to train snipers. Way I was taught, I learned on targets, so when I started shooting people, I just slipped into that mindset. Before the mission: person, suspect. During the mission: target. After the mission: dead. I threw up the first few times after I got back to my safe houses.” _

Steve’s eyes tracked a dark purple cloud across the sky, but he was listening intently.

_ “Natasha was taught not to empathize with her targets. That was the way the Red Room did brainwashing. The in-group mattered, loyalty, trust, obedience. The out-group didn’t matter. They had feelings, desires, lives, but they were less important. You could ignore their humanity. _

_ “And then there’s another one. Where you’re trained that the enemy is evil. That they’re monsters. They commit terrible crimes, and they believe terrible things, and they deserve to be conquered, to die even, or at least to submit and admit they’re wrong and learn the right way, our way, the way of the best people.” _

“Extremism,” Steve summarized.

_ “Hmm… Who do you think uses that method the most?” _ Clint asked thoughtfully.

Steve could tell it was a test. “Cults,” he answered after a moment’s thought. “Colonists… Religious groups, sometimes. Terrorists, definitely.”

_ “Armies,” _ Clint said. Steve could imagine the somber expression on the archer’s face.  _ “Best way to convince a bunch of scared kids to shoot complete strangers? Tell them they’re protecting something. Tell them the enemy’s country or religion or race is inferior. Say they want to kill you because they’re bloodthirsty brutes. They hate your way of life because they’re full of hatred, or they’re misguided souls who can’t be saved. It’s your job to defend justice, and goodness, and your way of life.” _

Steve had to shut his eyes against the way the sky was spinning. Some of Clint’s words had taken him straight back to boot camp, to a drill instructor shouting in his face and asking him if he was going to let Nazi bastards walk over him in the trenches and spit on him and do terrible things to his mother.

_ “And they’re ugly, to boot. Lot easier to shoot an ugly commie than a sexy Italian.” _

Steve choked on a laugh. Clint always knew when and how to bring things back to lighthearted. It was one of his special talents, one that eased the transition of the Avengers from a group of disparate fighters into a unit that trusted and watched each other’s backs. A tear or two slipped out, reminding Steve of how he’d missed Clint, and how much he’d missed the closeness he’d taken for granted with the original Avengers.

“Okay, so... “

_ “You asked why Bucky can’t stop blaming himself for his kill count when he was brainwashed and had no choice. Because he’s proven that he gets other complex moral dilemmas, and he gets that there was nothing he could do differently.” _

Clint took a deep breath before continuing.  _ “Cap, you can accept that good people get hurt in our line of work because we’re fighting bad people. We minimize the damage, and move on. You would never hurt someone more than necessary to protect people. Bucky didn’t have that chance. He watched his body torture and kill people, people who he now knows were innocent, specifically targeted by evil people because they were do-gooders, people like you. And if he was taught to be a soldier by hating your enemy, by demonizing them and justifying their pain, then Hydra didn’t just make him a tool, they made him a demon like them. He is the commie, the Nazi, the savage, the nightmare.” _

A breeze drifted along Steve’s cheek, but he was numb, inside and out. Clint’s voice went silent and the wind through the trees, the occasional creak of the house, was all Steve could hear. Even the animals were silent at this time of night.

“How can I- help- with that?” he croaked eventually.

_ “It’s a long way to go when you hate yourself that much. But most of us have been, if not right where he is, in the same country, at least. Natasha after she defected. Me after the Chitauri, Phil and Maria after the fall. Wanda after Ultron. Stark after Afghanistan.” _

Steve flinched.

_ “Actually, I think Stark might be the closest to Bucky, in terms of that kind of experience. Cause both of them affected the world on a grand scale. In another life, maybe they’d have bonded over that, like I did with Natasha.” _

“What do I do?” Steve pressed, too loudly, desperate to escape that line of reasoning.

Clint sighed.  _ “Outside of a trained therapist? Which I still recommend? Don’t tell him not to feel guilty. Don’t say it had nothing to do with him, don’t say ‘You had no control.’ Cause that just means he was weak, he let them win. Let him be angry, and depressed, and do your best to make him feel better. But don’t be surprised when it doesn’t work. Love him. Listen to him. Let him do what he needs to do.” _

“How do you know all this?”

There was a long silence over the line.  _ “Perspective. I’ve been on a lot of different sides. I’ve been a mercenary, law enforcement, a spy, a hero. And I’ve had kids. Kids give you a new perspective. They make you, cause you’ve gotta decide what to teach them, and how. Plus, I’m like fifteen years older than you, Cap.” _

Steve laughed. He asked about the Barton kids, and they talked until Steve’s high was gone. Then he thanked Clint and watched the stars until they faded away.


End file.
